I went to an appointment yesterday morning. After I finished with signing the papers I walked over to Stewart park just a block away. The sun was bright and warm on my face I sat down indian style on the grass to smoke a cigarette and watch traffic pass by just spending time in the sun, it makes the soul feel good. I flashed on a memory from sixteen years ago. Just a few days before my divorce was final it was the last time I would see her as a lover and a wife.
She noticed me sitting their-- knowingly, it was her best bet to swing by Stewart Park she would probably find me their...She noticed the car parked in the parking lot just down the street. She walked up to the pick-nic table and sat down with the kids. I knew what she was doing....being the bitch she could always be. She proceded to tell me she didn't love me any more and how un-happy she really is. Sneakishly (is that a word?...sure has a nice sound..) she slides a manila envelope over to me, saying here's your divorce papers it becomes final march thirteenth. I didn't want her to see me in the shape I was soon going to be in...My head crashing and my heart tremendously shattered from the freight train that just ran over it .
I asked if she was finished? She looked at me surprisingly as if I was going to attack her.( which I've never done ) Are you finished I asked? waiting for a few long seconds,I turned around walking back to my car. Thoughts were racing in my head. As i was driving off, I thought of my children seeing there Mom and Dad as a couple for the last time.--at times I thought it would kill me. Rejection is a very painful emotion I felt it deep in the heart, especially when it involves a younger man and a better looking man at that. I couldn't blame him for it...when I wached at night...she opened the door...she showed him the bedroom...he didn't rape her. She had the cheating heart along with the lying eyes . I'm not at all sorry for the divorce...you can't make somebody love you. I'm saying I'm sorry to my children for letting them down bringing pain in there life.
I'm sorry for the times we never spent. I'm sorry for the places we never went. I'm sorry for the pictures we've never taken. I'm sorry for the love that has been foresaken. I'm sorry for the father never revealed, his place to be suddenly filled. I'm sorry for no albums of the high school prom. or the football games my son had won. I'm sorry for the life we've never had. How I wish I could of been their for that.